I've been saving this one for a while. Back in late 2009, about November I believe, Dr. Anthony Atala of Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center's Institute for Regenerative Medicine announced that his team have successfully grown penises on the backs of rabbits that had their peni previously removed.

This story provides many easy penis joke starters, but the gravity of this work is truly important. They grew these penises on these poor friggin eunice bunnies, I believe on their backs, and then grafted them back in place, with no rejection since the new penises were grown with cells from the little bunny patients themselves.

And apparently what they say about rabbits is true, because all 18 of the new rabbit penises were put to use within 1 minute of being caged with female bunnies.

Out of those 18 horny couples, 4 became pregnant.

Let's just face it. You are most likely NEVER going to get that Ferrari, buy your parents a house or move to somewhere tropical.

Those magic numbers aren't going to come up. Just quit buying the Powerball tickets and scratch-offs. You may win $20 bucks here and there and justify it as "breaking even" but we both know that isn't true. At least you're getting something from the cigarettes you buy at the same time when you're done filling up at Quik Trip.

Quit waiting for the weekly drawing to solve all your problems (Most of which you've probable caused yourself). Pay your bills, quit buying shit that you can't afford and most likely don't need.

Here's a staggering statistic: 70% of all lottery winners will squander away their winning in just a few years. I hear what your saying to yourself, "Not me, I'm smart. I'll invest and save."
Who are you kidding? You'll blow your money on retarded shit and then you'll see your relationships with your friends and family deteriorate. That is what happens in most cases of lottery winners.

When you order a decaf non-fat latte, how do you know its really decaf? Caffeinated and decaffeinated coffees taste the same, more or less, particularly true of espresso.

So how do you know?

Do you know because you don't get the jitters 15 minutes after drinking it? How do you know that you don't get the jitters because someone told you that you get the jitters from too much caffeine, a kind of waking hypnotic suggestion?

Do you know because you saw the barista use the beans from the "green" or "orange" box of beans which have because the international colors for decaf? How do you know that she didn't run out of decaf an hour ago and filled the bin up with whatever beans she still had? She could have. What does she care? It's not like you're going to call in an USDA analyst to sample and test the beans.

If you have missed Glenn Beck in the news recently, you should stop reading this right now and watch this:



This video is obviously slanted and to be fair, this Cenk guy is a bit of a douche too, but the important point here that Glenn Beck is trying to compare himself to MLK.